Thread:Alphaguy/@comment-32805419-20160722225318/@comment-18307343-20160723180010

Okay, this is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I'm not talking a little monkey or some dancing chimp bullshit, I mean a fucking orangutan. Don't ask me how you're gonna get a fucking orangutan, because that's not my problem. So the orangutan's name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable; all orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You're seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty, you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. "Did you know the guy with the orangutan?", "You used to date the guy with the orangutan?", "Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?". Next thing you know she's calling.